Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Rouge Soliders vs The Devil!

I'm in some far off make believe land. My friends Churan and Lada have built a new house right across from the King’s palace! I go to check it out and it has a nice moat running around and through it. The moat is dry though so Jonathan and I begin to fill it up. I use a pipe system from the local canal. As I am doing this the King comes over and we begin bowing out of respect. He is just passing by so we are soon back to our task. Within minutes cool clean clear water runs through the house from the raging canal that passes in front of the house. Churan and Lada come over and begin to show them what I have done. We are all amazed at how clear the water is! It looks like a South Texas river except that it is raging quite fast. I want to test the safety for the kids so I jump in and I am immediately whipped down the river until I can make my way to the side to climb out. For me this isn’t a problem but I quickly run back and to tell Churan and Lada that it is not safe for the kids. Soon I notice that the water in the moat and canal has turned a murky brown that you would expect from a Thai river with lots of whirlpools and stray currents. Now the water looks dark and scary. We all move inside. As we visit I am amazed at Lada’s English! She has learned a lot! I decide to catch a ride on a U.S. military boat that is traveling down river. There are about 15 soldiers on board and we soon pull into a U.S. Military base. To my dismay though, the soldiers decide it would be fun to destroy some property and shoot off the boats guns. They begin causing major damage to the base despite my protests. Then the boat converts to a hovercraft as they make their getaway down a highway and some side roads. After a while of this the soldiers decide that the jig is up and they abandon the boat. They tell me to stay behind and pretend to be sick so that I won’t be implicated. They put me in a body bag and label me as having a high fever and suffering from hallucinations. I am very claustrophobic but I try to put up with it. I keep my face unzipped until the last possible min when the MPs arrive. They find me and decide to transport me back to the base hospital. In my bag I have my Bible and phone and I struggle to keep them in my possession as I am moved around. I am also careful to keep up the rouse by keeping my eyes closed and moaning. After a time I “recover” and stay on with the good soldiers. Years pass and I continue to live with them a serve as a civilian solider. One day I decide that I am tired of hiding the truth and so I decide to confess to how I came to be in their company. I jump on a series of conveyer belts that will take me to the General. As I am quietly riding the belts I hear some deep scary noises on the belt below me. I look over and see that Satan himself is heading to see the General as well! He looks like one of the creatures from “The Village.” I listen as he speaks to himself of his plan to take out the whole base! Oh no! I must warn the General!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Flying to The McDonalds

Staci and I are at a conference and for some reason we have chosen to sleep on the table rather than the mattress. Our alarm goes off and Staci begins to get ready for a breakfast event that is just for the ladies. She leaves the room and I move over to the bed. Just then she comes back in for something that she forgot and asks me why I am in the bed instead of the table. I reply that I don’t have to get up yet and so I moved to the bed so that I can go back to sleep. She’s not happy about this. Feeling guilty I decide to just get up and head down for some breakfast. Upon arriving at the cafeteria I learn that it is not open and that we are on our own for breakfast. So I head down to the local mall which is about a mile away. I decide to fly there instead of walk because it is more fun. So I begin to fly about 15 feet off of the ground as I follow the sidewalk to the mall. During my flight I pass and say hello to several folks from the conference. Eventually I arrive at the mall and see that everyone is heading to McDonalds which appears to be the only option. Not wanting to eat a burger for breakfast I turn down a few invitations by explaining that I am just out for exercise and nothing more. At that point I begin to fly back toward the hotel.

An Unexpected Trip to The Galapagos Islands!

A group of us are on a plane to Thailand when it is announced that we will be making a quick stop in the Galapagos Islands to refuel. It shouldn’t take long but we are permitted to tour around the island a bit while we wait. So we land and are transferred to a tour bus. There is a weird guy on the bus who keeps spitting on people when he talks so I begin texting someone in the back of the bus about it. “Do you see this guy?!” There are several other unique characters on the bus and we all chat and get to know one another. During this time I am riding in the stairwell and occasionally the driver opens the doors so I can hang out and take pictures while we wait. For some reason there are wild iguanas and St Banards mingling about everywhere. Off to the sides of the roads are swamp areas where the two species can be seen co-existing and even playing together. I’ve never seen so many in one place before! After awhile the sites begin to look very touristy and at one point they even have a Kevin James impersonator in a cage performing for the tourists. As the bus stops briefly we get to hear the impersonator say a line or two and then give a classic Kevin James expression. We all laugh and cheer and as we drive away I yell to his captors that he is actually very good! I assume they do not know this for sure since they have never actually seen Kevin James perform. They just know that Americans love Kevin James! There are several other booths along the road and finally the driver pulls over and allows us to get out to look and participate a little. So we all pile out and begin to participate in soccer kicking booths, etc.. As some of the other passengers play the games I sit down at a table with an older man who is apparently the owner of these attractions. I order a burger and shake and he begins to tell me all about the history of the business. I mention to him that he has an impeccable American accent and he scoffs that all Galapagoins speak with American accents. And then the dream ends.