The Formula Fighters!

The Formula Fighters are an elite team of 4 crime fighters that use pimped out Formula One race cars as their means. These cars have all the bells and whistles, button activated oil slicks, missiles, you name it. Today, however, they have been set up! Double crossed! They answered a call only to walk into a police ambush and are now accused of committing the crime they were trying to stop. In a panic the racers split up to evade the police and make it to their rendezvous point. The Green Racer took a northern route but the open roads gave him no advantage over the police helicopter. Missiles were not an option, only evasion. After a few mins at break neck speeds Green Racer mistakenly turned onto a dirt road, lost his traction on the road and went into a ravine. The Green Racer is our first casualty. The Pink Racer chose a southern route through wooded areas which meant the police chopper was of no use. She evaded the police for a long while but eventually drove into a tree to avoid hitting a police man who driven into her path. The Pink Racer is gone. Blue Racer chose a water route. Converting his racer to a submarine he quickly concealed himself in a lake. This left him no where to go however, and he was quickly surrounded. That left only the Yellow Racer, the leader of the crime fighting team. For the next few mins The Yellow Racer demonstrated his unmatchable skill with maneuver after maneuver. He deftly escaped the clutches of the mistaken police each time, while avoiding any injury to them. However, there is one obstacle that even the Yellow Racer cannot out maneuver… traffic. After several death defying moves the Yellow Racer rounds a corner and finds him self trapped in traffic. The police are on him in an instant. The legacy of the Formula One Racers, is finished.

Drafted Into the NBA!

Marcus and I have both been drafted into the NBA! We are both pretty pumped but when we arrive I find out that Marcus has been drafted as a player but I have been drafted to fill a new position as a line ref. I am told it is my job to stand on the baseline and notify the head ref when the ball or a player goes out of bounds. At first I’m kind of bummed but then all of the sudden the action comes my way. Marcus steps out of bounds as he dribbles by and that is when I realize that I don’t have a whistle! So I throw my hand up and the main ref blows his whistle. As it happens the next two plays also come my way and I am forced to use my hands again. At this point the ref looks back at me and yells “where’s your whistle?!?”

The RedCloud Punishment

I had a dream last night that I got in trouble with the law for not wearing a helmet on my motorbike (they are strict over here) so I was sentenced to a month at RedCloud Camp in western Colorado!
So I arrive and they keep referring to “The Director.”
“Don’t make eye contact with the director.”
“You can’t go outside today because the director is in the camp.”
“You must wear long pants today as the director is coming.”
Plus they had us all doing slave labor. So I start organizing a group for an escape!

I'm this weeks guest on Saturday Night Live!

I'm this weeks guest on Saturday Night Live!
I'm all excited about being on the show and I've been telling everyone to watch! Before I know it it's Saturday and we're going live! I take the stage for the opening skit but after my fellow actors start saying their lines I realize that I never got around to looking at a script! So I just start winging it by coming up with my own funny lines on the spot. I'm pretty pleased with myself at this point because I appear to be flowing quite well with the sketch because no one seems disrupted by my performance and everyone in the audience is laughing. Then all of the sudden the skit takes a turn and begins getting pretty filthy. Before I know it I am in the middle of this filthy sketch on live TV being broadcast all over the country! So the show ends and I have to call everyone I know to apologize. My career is over because my fan base is in the Christian market and no one wants to work with me anymore.

The USAA Terrorism Drill Starring Garth Brooks

It’s 5:00pm at USAA the largest bank and insurance company in San Antonio. Being 5pm the nearly 20,000 employees have gone home for the day. I’ve still got a lot of work to do so I continue working. Now it’s nearly 6:30pm and although the cubicles are largely empty about 20 or so employees in my area can be heard pecking away at their keyboards. Then all of the sudden a loud boom was heard followed by smoke. Suddenly the 20 or so remaining employees are popping up in their cubicles like prairie dogs trying to see what the commotion is. Just then, through the smoke, comes the boss and a few people from middle management. They have removed their neck ties and tied them around their foreheads and arms (they are still wearing their suits.) “Listen up!” they yell “this is a terrorism drill! You’ve just been infiltrated! Form one group now! Everyone to the conference room!” The employees slowly comply.. “Oh come on!” The employees grumble to each other. “Why do this at 6:30pm? Are they trying to punish those of us who stayed late to get more work done? Sheesh” Sensing that morale is low the bosses announce that they have a special treat for us since we’ve been “good prisoners.” Just then Garth Brooks and his band come out and begin to play a song I’ve never heard before. “Is this a new one? Does he have a new album coming out? Maybe it’s off the Lost Sessions? And why is Ty England still in the band? I thought he got a new record deal?” we discuss among ourselves. When Garth finishes the song the bosses announce that the drill is over. Garth and the band start breaking down their equipment so I approach them. “Hey Garth, good song. But did you come all this way to play one song for twenty people?” I ask. “Yeah. We were told this would be a bigger crowd.” He replies coldly. So I ask another question. “Is that song going to be on a new album?” But Garth does not reply, just continues to pack up his gear. So I attempt to ask again “Did you hear my question?” “Yes!” he replies “I heard you.” And then he just continues to pack his gear without answering. Hmm, Garth is kind of a jerk I think to myself as I head back to my cubicle.

The Stabbing of Ben Afleck!

(For the record, I can't stand Ben Affleck but for some reason he plays the part of my best friend in this dream.)

Ben Affleck and I have been friends for years! What have I done? It was just a simple argument in the back of a hardware store but now I have stabbed my best friend! As I turned back to tend to his dead body laying on the floor I realize that it is gone! All that remains is a pool of blood! Oh! This is like one of those scenes where he is going to reappear behind me with the knife! So I turn around quickly but instead I see some guy stuffing Ben's body into one of the safes that the store sells! What is he doing? So I approach him and he says "walk away unless you want everyone to know what you have done!" Well, I can't let him take my friends body but maybe it is best to play cool and then follow him. So I agree and walk off to wait. Sure enough he puts the safe on a cart and takes it to the front to buy it. As I am following him through the parking lot, though, I am shocked to hear pounding and yelling coming from the safe! Ben is alive! I run to my truck and head him off at the parking lot entrance. "Um, hi.. remember me? I was just..uh... wondering if you needed any help getting rid of the body?" Of course this was all part of my plan to get Ben back. He says "no thank you" and so I say "ok." At this point I realize that I have driven in front of him in the exit line. So I anticipate his right turn hoping that he will follow. Of course he goes left. So I wait until he is over the hill and then I quickly pull a u-turn into oncoming traffic barely missing a motorcycle and a red sports car. As I get to the top of the hill I see the mystery man making a right turn on a side road. Can I get there in time to se his next turn? Is it too late to save Ben?!?

For the Lost fans out there...

Sayid and I were trapped. The “Others” were closing in and we had nowhere to go… except the big hill. After a quick glance at each other we both threw ourselves over the hill. Tumbling down the hill gave us a speed advantage over our advancing enemies. When we both came to a stop and regained our balance we realized we were staring at a new city neither of us had seen before. Were we still on *our* island? Where did a skyrise with tall buildings come from? On the outskirts of this city was a line made of volcanic ash. Just on the other side of that line were a host of people waving us in enthusiastically. “What!?” I asked, “there are *other* others?!?” At that moment Ben screamed out “No!!! Dunn, Farad! You don’t want to do this! *We’re* the good guys!” Somehow, we weren’t so sure.