The Rouge Soliders vs The Devil!

I'm in some far off make believe land. My friends Churan and Lada have built a new house right across from the King’s palace! I go to check it out and it has a nice moat running around and through it. The moat is dry though so Jonathan and I begin to fill it up. I use a pipe system from the local canal. As I am doing this the King comes over and we begin bowing out of respect. He is just passing by so we are soon back to our task. Within minutes cool clean clear water runs through the house from the raging canal that passes in front of the house. Churan and Lada come over and begin to show them what I have done. We are all amazed at how clear the water is! It looks like a South Texas river except that it is raging quite fast. I want to test the safety for the kids so I jump in and I am immediately whipped down the river until I can make my way to the side to climb out. For me this isn’t a problem but I quickly run back and to tell Churan and Lada that it is not safe for the kids. Soon I notice that the water in the moat and canal has turned a murky brown that you would expect from a Thai river with lots of whirlpools and stray currents. Now the water looks dark and scary. We all move inside. As we visit I am amazed at Lada’s English! She has learned a lot! I decide to catch a ride on a U.S. military boat that is traveling down river. There are about 15 soldiers on board and we soon pull into a U.S. Military base. To my dismay though, the soldiers decide it would be fun to destroy some property and shoot off the boats guns. They begin causing major damage to the base despite my protests. Then the boat converts to a hovercraft as they make their getaway down a highway and some side roads. After a while of this the soldiers decide that the jig is up and they abandon the boat. They tell me to stay behind and pretend to be sick so that I won’t be implicated. They put me in a body bag and label me as having a high fever and suffering from hallucinations. I am very claustrophobic but I try to put up with it. I keep my face unzipped until the last possible min when the MPs arrive. They find me and decide to transport me back to the base hospital. In my bag I have my Bible and phone and I struggle to keep them in my possession as I am moved around. I am also careful to keep up the rouse by keeping my eyes closed and moaning. After a time I “recover” and stay on with the good soldiers. Years pass and I continue to live with them a serve as a civilian solider. One day I decide that I am tired of hiding the truth and so I decide to confess to how I came to be in their company. I jump on a series of conveyer belts that will take me to the General. As I am quietly riding the belts I hear some deep scary noises on the belt below me. I look over and see that Satan himself is heading to see the General as well! He looks like one of the creatures from “The Village.” I listen as he speaks to himself of his plan to take out the whole base! Oh no! I must warn the General!

Flying to The McDonalds

Staci and I are at a conference and for some reason we have chosen to sleep on the table rather than the mattress. Our alarm goes off and Staci begins to get ready for a breakfast event that is just for the ladies. She leaves the room and I move over to the bed. Just then she comes back in for something that she forgot and asks me why I am in the bed instead of the table. I reply that I don’t have to get up yet and so I moved to the bed so that I can go back to sleep. She’s not happy about this. Feeling guilty I decide to just get up and head down for some breakfast. Upon arriving at the cafeteria I learn that it is not open and that we are on our own for breakfast. So I head down to the local mall which is about a mile away. I decide to fly there instead of walk because it is more fun. So I begin to fly about 15 feet off of the ground as I follow the sidewalk to the mall. During my flight I pass and say hello to several folks from the conference. Eventually I arrive at the mall and see that everyone is heading to McDonalds which appears to be the only option. Not wanting to eat a burger for breakfast I turn down a few invitations by explaining that I am just out for exercise and nothing more. At that point I begin to fly back toward the hotel.

An Unexpected Trip to The Galapagos Islands!

A group of us are on a plane to Thailand when it is announced that we will be making a quick stop in the Galapagos Islands to refuel. It shouldn’t take long but we are permitted to tour around the island a bit while we wait. So we land and are transferred to a tour bus. There is a weird guy on the bus who keeps spitting on people when he talks so I begin texting someone in the back of the bus about it. “Do you see this guy?!” There are several other unique characters on the bus and we all chat and get to know one another. During this time I am riding in the stairwell and occasionally the driver opens the doors so I can hang out and take pictures while we wait. For some reason there are wild iguanas and St Banards mingling about everywhere. Off to the sides of the roads are swamp areas where the two species can be seen co-existing and even playing together. I’ve never seen so many in one place before! After awhile the sites begin to look very touristy and at one point they even have a Kevin James impersonator in a cage performing for the tourists. As the bus stops briefly we get to hear the impersonator say a line or two and then give a classic Kevin James expression. We all laugh and cheer and as we drive away I yell to his captors that he is actually very good! I assume they do not know this for sure since they have never actually seen Kevin James perform. They just know that Americans love Kevin James! There are several other booths along the road and finally the driver pulls over and allows us to get out to look and participate a little. So we all pile out and begin to participate in soccer kicking booths, etc.. As some of the other passengers play the games I sit down at a table with an older man who is apparently the owner of these attractions. I order a burger and shake and he begins to tell me all about the history of the business. I mention to him that he has an impeccable American accent and he scoffs that all Galapagoins speak with American accents. And then the dream ends.

Breaking into Rockefeller Center

For some reason my church from Thailand is gathered for a service in downtown Manhattan. After the service Staci, Keri and I decide that we are going to have lunch at Miguel’s (my favorite restaurant in Thailand) which, in my dream, is located inside Rockefeller Center, the home of NBC. We soon realize that Rockefeller Center is closed on Sundays and so we decide to sneak in through the air conditioner ventilation system on the roof. In the next scene we are on the roof looking down into the ventilation shaft. Neither Keri or I want to try it so Staci dives in head first. At first she gets stuck in the small tubes that are descending in a spiral but eventually she works her way down into the building. Keri and I are watching her descend through the clear tubes from a sky light. Keri goes next and also makes it. Due to my claustrophobia I decide that there is NO WAY I am doing that! So I signal to them that I will find another way in and I will meet them at Miguel’s. So I head back down to the bottom of the building (somehow) and enter through an open window. There are guards walking around everywhere so I quickly assume a hiding spot in the lobby amongst the decorative statues. Soon I notice that the animated statues, which normally act out a scene of children playing in a yard, are now fighting with each other. I laugh to myself as I realize that the guards must have reprogrammed them for their own entertainment during their night shift. “They better reset them before Monday morning” I think to myself. At this point I have been laying down on the ground motionless next to another statue for quite awhile and several guards have walked by without noticing me. Then Staci starts talking to me through a walkie talkie “Darin, are you there? Are you coming?” Her voice echoes through the lobby but the guard does not seem to hear it over the elevator music so he keeps walking. I tell Staci that I am on my way. I dash for the stairs and begin running up the flights of stairs until I reach the 101st floor. At this point I realize I am several floors from the top but this must be where the stairs stop. Maybe because the top floors are the executive levels. I will have to find another way up. I begin walking casually through the halls and I walk past several janitors who look at me somewhat suspiciously. “Have you seen Bill?” I ask one of them as I continue walking. I walk through a couple rooms and encounter a guard. I grab a nearby clipboard and make a few notations as I smile at him. “Hey Mike. It’s Mike right?” I ask. “It’s Mark.” He says. “Oh, right. Sorry.” I reply as I smile to myself at how close I got with my guess. I keep walking. Soon I reach an elevator and I take it one floor up. When I get there I am in a waiting room full of people waiting for job interviews with USAA. I see one of my old USAA friends there and he says hello. Still trying to make it look like I belong in the building I decide to play along. One of the applicants plays right into my plan when he asks “Sir, could you direct me to the proper desk?” “Sure”, I reply as I lead him to an empty desk. One of the interviewers looks at me suspiciously. I stand around for a bit to sell the act when all of the sudden the main lady gets up and says “Listen up everyone. There are no more jobs. Sorry. Go home! Actually we have one job left. And it belongs to the person that took the initiative to help us out by leading people to empty desks. Who was that person? Please step forward.” Everyone grumbles and says how mean she is. I have no intention of taking that job so as the crowd files to the elevator and I jump in as well. Then I realize that there are only three of us in the elevator so I hold the door. “Let’s get some more people in here” I suggest. The more people the less suspicious I appear. So I hit the button to go up one more floor. Everyone grumbles because they need to head to the lobby. I jump off at the top floor to find a guard with Staci, and Keri over talking to Taylor King. “What’s going on?” I ask. Taylor explains to me that they have their church service in the building and that is why he was there. Staci explains that the guard saw them so they confessed. “What? Come on! Why didn’t you just tell them that you were going to the church service!?” I ask as the guard escorts us out. No Miguel’s today.

The Transporting Crecent Thing

I came across a device that was kind of metallic crescent about the size of an archery bow. After playing around with it I discovered that it gave me the ability to transport myself to another location! But the catch was the location was always about 30 feet from my original point. So I was messing around with this and then I saw Mark Ferris drive by on a 4 wheel ATV. He drove across a little bridge and stopped near a pile of rocks. So I transported a few times and made it over to where he was. But just as I was beginning to tell him about this thing that I had found, this 10 year old kid comes running around the corner swinging this big heavy sword! Mark and I were kind of laughing and asking him what he was doing with that sword. He kept approaching clumsily swinging it around! Then all of the sudden he jabs Mark in the stomach and he drops dead! What just happened?!? Suddenly he comes at me and so I transport myself. But every time I reappear he’s right there so I just keep transporting myself over and over heading back across the bridge toward my little cabin. The kid is still right on me swinging his sword and yelling. Eventually I make it to my house and run inside. Then the kid comes running inside. So I transport again outside of the cabin. This buys me some time because he does not know where I am. So I remain still on the side of the cabin. But as I am leaning against the wall I realize that my hand is transporting through the wall. Wow! Cool. But then all of the sudden I feel a flash of pain and then begin to feel faint. I pull my hand back to discover that the kid has sliced off my fingers! Oh no! Then I hear him yelling and running around the cabin to find me. So I begin trying to transport again but I can’t concentrate long enough to pull it off. Come on! Come on! Then, right before the kid gets there I transport myself to the roof. His sword literally came crashing down right where I had been standing. So now I’m laying on the roof bleeding trying to figure out what to do next. Then I hear the kid say “I hear you up there and I’m coming for you!!” He begins to climb up the roof as I lay there in pain and gasping for breath….and the dream ends.

Penguin Land and the Escape From Walmart!

Staci and I are in Hua Hin, Thailand. But for some reason, in this dream Hua Hin is an Island as opposed to a coastal town. I’m at a church setting up my guitar and preparing to lead worship for the Sunday morning service. Staci comes up and tells me she needs something from Lotus (like a Walmart) and she wants me to come along. I’m not sure if I have time before the service starts but she convinces me to go. Before I know it we are on a plane flying out! “Where are we going!?” I ask? “Bangkok?!?” “No” she replies calmly “it’s just a shuttle flight to the other side of the island. We’ll make it back in time.” So we exit the plane and enter the Lotus. Staci goes straight to a cordoned off area near the back of the store that has a large sign that says “Penguin Land.” But it’s empty. “Where are all the penguins?!” She asks. The attendant informs her that they are not there today. Staci is pretty disappointed. So I tell her I’ll be right back and I start looking around the store. After a while I realize that I am back outside after going through the wrong door. Oh no! They won’t let me back in! So I walk around the back of the store and I find a fire exit which I promptly use as an entrance. The alarms starts going off and store attendants start chasing me! So I run into a restroom that has two entrances. I run inside, throw away my coat, hat and Big Gulp and then exit the other way. It works and I lose the attendants. So I head back into the isles to look for Staci. But before I find her I come across the place where they are keeping the penguins! “I’ll take one please!” I ask while hastily looking over my shoulders. “I’m sorry sir but we are evacuating the store because of the alarm.” She explains. So I plead with her and she finally sells me the penguin. So I take the live penguin and I exit the store. Just outside I find Staci and hand her the penguin. She’s pretty excited about it but I suggest we get back to the plane. So we exit the area along with the masses of evacuees. I wonder if I’ll make it back in time!

I overinflated my dog!

My mom asked me to inflate our dog buttercup. When she asks this it makes perfect sense to me. She is asking me to check the air like I would my motorbike. So I take Buttercup to an electric air pump at the gas station.
She's got a pin hole in the middle of her chest and one on her stomach.
So
I put 32 Kgs of pressure in each hole. (this is the same pressure my motorbike requires) So I finish airing her up and then turn the pump off.
At that point she just sort of keels over. Then my mom walks up and asks if I overinflated the dog. "I don't think so.. I put in 32 Kgs of air." I explain. "32 Kgs!! It's supposed to be 32 Lbs!! Darin! We don't use the metric system in America! That was way to much air!" She explains. So I take the pump needle and begin to let some air out. Slowly Buttercup begins to be able to stand again and she immediately licks my face.