The Transporting Crecent Thing

I came across a device that was kind of metallic crescent about the size of an archery bow. After playing around with it I discovered that it gave me the ability to transport myself to another location! But the catch was the location was always about 30 feet from my original point. So I was messing around with this and then I saw Mark Ferris drive by on a 4 wheel ATV. He drove across a little bridge and stopped near a pile of rocks. So I transported a few times and made it over to where he was. But just as I was beginning to tell him about this thing that I had found, this 10 year old kid comes running around the corner swinging this big heavy sword! Mark and I were kind of laughing and asking him what he was doing with that sword. He kept approaching clumsily swinging it around! Then all of the sudden he jabs Mark in the stomach and he drops dead! What just happened?!? Suddenly he comes at me and so I transport myself. But every time I reappear he’s right there so I just keep transporting myself over and over heading back across the bridge toward my little cabin. The kid is still right on me swinging his sword and yelling. Eventually I make it to my house and run inside. Then the kid comes running inside. So I transport again outside of the cabin. This buys me some time because he does not know where I am. So I remain still on the side of the cabin. But as I am leaning against the wall I realize that my hand is transporting through the wall. Wow! Cool. But then all of the sudden I feel a flash of pain and then begin to feel faint. I pull my hand back to discover that the kid has sliced off my fingers! Oh no! Then I hear him yelling and running around the cabin to find me. So I begin trying to transport again but I can’t concentrate long enough to pull it off. Come on! Come on! Then, right before the kid gets there I transport myself to the roof. His sword literally came crashing down right where I had been standing. So now I’m laying on the roof bleeding trying to figure out what to do next. Then I hear the kid say “I hear you up there and I’m coming for you!!” He begins to climb up the roof as I lay there in pain and gasping for breath….and the dream ends.

Penguin Land and the Escape From Walmart!

Staci and I are in Hua Hin, Thailand. But for some reason, in this dream Hua Hin is an Island as opposed to a coastal town. I’m at a church setting up my guitar and preparing to lead worship for the Sunday morning service. Staci comes up and tells me she needs something from Lotus (like a Walmart) and she wants me to come along. I’m not sure if I have time before the service starts but she convinces me to go. Before I know it we are on a plane flying out! “Where are we going!?” I ask? “Bangkok?!?” “No” she replies calmly “it’s just a shuttle flight to the other side of the island. We’ll make it back in time.” So we exit the plane and enter the Lotus. Staci goes straight to a cordoned off area near the back of the store that has a large sign that says “Penguin Land.” But it’s empty. “Where are all the penguins?!” She asks. The attendant informs her that they are not there today. Staci is pretty disappointed. So I tell her I’ll be right back and I start looking around the store. After a while I realize that I am back outside after going through the wrong door. Oh no! They won’t let me back in! So I walk around the back of the store and I find a fire exit which I promptly use as an entrance. The alarms starts going off and store attendants start chasing me! So I run into a restroom that has two entrances. I run inside, throw away my coat, hat and Big Gulp and then exit the other way. It works and I lose the attendants. So I head back into the isles to look for Staci. But before I find her I come across the place where they are keeping the penguins! “I’ll take one please!” I ask while hastily looking over my shoulders. “I’m sorry sir but we are evacuating the store because of the alarm.” She explains. So I plead with her and she finally sells me the penguin. So I take the live penguin and I exit the store. Just outside I find Staci and hand her the penguin. She’s pretty excited about it but I suggest we get back to the plane. So we exit the area along with the masses of evacuees. I wonder if I’ll make it back in time!

I overinflated my dog!

My mom asked me to inflate our dog buttercup. When she asks this it makes perfect sense to me. She is asking me to check the air like I would my motorbike. So I take Buttercup to an electric air pump at the gas station.
She's got a pin hole in the middle of her chest and one on her stomach.
So
I put 32 Kgs of pressure in each hole. (this is the same pressure my motorbike requires) So I finish airing her up and then turn the pump off.
At that point she just sort of keels over. Then my mom walks up and asks if I overinflated the dog. "I don't think so.. I put in 32 Kgs of air." I explain. "32 Kgs!! It's supposed to be 32 Lbs!! Darin! We don't use the metric system in America! That was way to much air!" She explains. So I take the pump needle and begin to let some air out. Slowly Buttercup begins to be able to stand again and she immediately licks my face.

I'm Will Smith... I'm invisible...and I can fly!

As the dream opens I realize that I am Will Smith, but viewing the dream in the first person. I am in a trailer home with a big yard out front. There are about 6 or 7 kids watching a TV in the room. Meanwhile in the kitchen, which is part of the room, a grungy looking dude in a muscle shirt prepares various drugs and begins to package them for distribution. As I look over at the kids I notice they are all under the age of 6 and intently watching some children’s show. I soon realize that I am invisible. No one can see me. So I begin to take note as to what kind of drugs he is making and where he is hiding them in the house. With this information I can have him put away and I can save these kids from danger! So I continue observing when all of the sudden a kid is tugging at my sleeve and asking me to watch the show with them. What?!? They can see me? The drug dealer does not notice what is going on since the kids are all being loud and he is focused. So I quietly tell the kid that I will join them in a min. Soon another kid comes over to talk to me. This time the drug dealer notices. But I get away and he goes back to work. A few mins later he looks my way with suspicion! I look down and realize that I am casting a shadow! So I move away from the window. He goes back to work. For the next few mins I continue to observe all the while avoiding the dealer when he moves around the room and avoiding the large window so I don’t cast a shadow. After a few mins 2 kids begin talking to me again! Oh no! Finally the dealer realizes what is going on and he yells “I knew it! It’s YOU!” He grabs a shotgun and I head for the door! The kids all run with me. All 7 of them are grabbing me and running with me saying they want to show me their castle fort! I can’t break away and they are giving away my position. As with many of dreams, I have the ability to fly. But just like always I can’t fly high and I can’t fly fast. So I manage to break free and I get up into the air. Now I am flying about 3-5 feet above the kids and the dealer is in pursuit! As I fly across the yard the kids are still right underneath me! I finally make it to the other side of the property which sits on a cliff over looking the ocean. So I fly out over the ocean hoping that I can get far enough away to lose him. My shadow is on the water though so the dealer starts swimming after me. Soon I see an island in the distance about 30 yards in width. So I land on the island. There is an 8 year old boy waiting there. As I land he says “Dad! Did you get my ball?!?” “Yes I did”, I say. And then I produce a ball that has been ripped in half. “I’ll get you a new one ok? Now run a long and play” I tell him. So the boy disappears into a hole beneath a rock. The drug dealer finally makes it to land. “So! What were you doing in my house?!” He yells. “Well I was coming to ask you why you ripped my son’s ball apart when it washed ashore! But then I saw that you were dealing drugs and I decided I had to stop you!” I explain. At this point my son walks back up and so he glares at him and says “Well, the ball washed up on MY property but now I have to kill you for seeing what you saw!” At that moment I hit him on the head with a rock which knocks him down. I grab my son and take him back down the hole. To my surprise the hole drops me into a room in an ordinary house! I go to the front door with my son and look out at a typical suburban neighborhood! It’s some kind of portal! So I tell him to go to his friend’s house to play. After he runs off I grab a rake from a basket nearby. Just then the drug dealer emerges with a shovel. We touch our weapons together and then begin maneuvering around as we begin our battle! All the while we are staring into each others eyes. No one is backing down from this fight! …..Just then my phone rings which wakes me up. Oh! It’s Staci!

Ashley, The President, and the Lack of Cell Phones

The scene opens as a middle school aged girl named Ashley heads to school. Her father, a politician, is already at the office so the maid and staff see her off.

Now the scene changes and years have passed. We see this girl, now high school aged coming home from a day at her high school. Once again her father is absent. As she arrived at her apartment her brother meets her in the hall. “I didn’t want to alarm you so I decided to meet you in the hall to tell you. There are a lot of people waiting in the apartment to speak to you. Something has happened.” As Ashley and her brother enter the apartment we see dozens of people crowding the small one bedroom space. This is no surprise party or intervention. We now learn that her father has become President of the United States and there has been a terrorist attack in the city! These people have all come here to tell her that her sister has not been heard of since she left her middle school an hour ago. With access to the city shut down they have come to Ashley for help. Shocked, Ashley asks her brother why he has not yet done anything. “Well, ever since I tried to stage that coup 17 months ago I have no influence or power! I only have this desk job because you gave it to me! It’s up to you now to save our sister!” So Ashley takes off on her mission to find her sister.

Meanwhile, the scene changes and we see her sister getting out of school and going straight to the Whitehouse safe room. But since her dad, the President, has long refused to buy the family cell phones Ashley has no way of knowing this. So Ashley travels needlessly into harms way.

The scene changes again and we see the President notified that Ashley is in the city searching for the very sister that is now safely by his side. The President collapses to the floor in grief. If only he had purchased that family cell phone plan!!

The Homeless Guy

My mom has volunteered to man the prayer chapel and its Christmas Eve. The chapel is supposed to be available all night and they just needed someone to be there. So she volunteers and I offer to keep her company. So we visit for awhile but when it becomes apparent that no one is going to show up she decides to get some sleep. So she heads to a cot in the corner and I take the couch with our dog Buttercup. Throughout the night I have noticed a homeless guy watching through the windows so I ask my mom if it’s safe to go to sleep with him out there. “Oh yeah. It’s fine. He can’t get in.” She says. So we both nod off before too long. Well soon after falling asleep I am awaken to a sound and I jump up thinking that the homeless guy got in! Soon I realize that he didn’t and my yell woke my mom. “He can’t get in Darin, go back to sleep” she says. So I do but then I dream about a boy named John who is in the hospital and I am a volunteer helping the nurses out. He’s got some kind of eye injury and so I help take care of him. But all of the sudden I am awaken by a sound again! So I again jump up and yell thinking the homeless guy is inside. But instead I notice a young couple praying in the front pew. “Oh, I’m sorry” I explain. “No problem at all” they answer. He goes on to explain that he is a doctor and just got off the 3am shift and wanted to share a Christmas Eve service with his wife since he had to work earlier. They go on to explain that their son John is in the hospital with an eye injury. “Oh don’t worry” I say. “I was there earlier and he’s doing fine.” “What?” They answer. “How could you have been? He’s in Iraq.” Just then I realize that they got in somehow and so the homeless guy must have as well! I look over at my mom and behind her in the shadows is the homeless man approaching her!!!

Obama Interrupts To Ask For Money

I am supposed to be meeting someone in the main office at my church to record a voice over for a video I am working on. But as I am setting up I start having a lot of trouble with the software I am using to record. Mrs. Mott is waiting patiently to record her narration. As I continue messing with it Barack Obama walks in! He tells me that my church has agreed to give him a $40,000 donation! This puzzles me and I wonder if that is even legal given our tax exempt status. But hey, he seems like a nice guy so I begin the transfer.

He goes on to explain that this was a mutual fund he went in on with my church and they are splitting the profits. So I begin the transfer but after about $20,000 is transferred the transfer fails. I am about to start it over when I realize that I should probably check with our accountant as I am overstepping my bounds here as a mere former employee in the tech dept. So I apologize to both Obama and Mrs. Mott and I step into the hall to use my cell to call our accountant Kevin. It takes awhile to reach him and I try his home, work and cell. Finally I reach him and I hear country music playing in the background. So I tell him what happened and I ask him if I can go ahead with the transfer. “No.” Is his response. “Oh.. ok.. um.. yeah just thought I would check… I will tell Obama.” I reply.

So I head back to the office to break the news. About then I see Brian Wells and his brother making the rounds talking to people. “Brian’s in town?!” But I don’t have time to stop as much as I want to! So I keep heading back to the office and I find that Obama has his Blackberry, laptop and various papers strewn about as he makes various calls seeking financial contributions. Meanwhile Mrs. Mott is asleep in the corner. So I tell Obama the news, we can’t do the transfer. He quickly begins gathering his things and says “Well Mr. Dunn that is very disappointing.” He gets up and leaves. “Was that a scam? “ I wonder. So I go over to wake up Mrs. Mott to begin the recording.

Buttercup and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skulls

My older brother Trey and I are hanging out at my parents house because I’ve just gotten home from Thailand. He’s got our awesome family dog Buttercup in his lap. I really want to hold Buttercup but I feel bad asking him so I don’t. He’s on one couch and I’m on the other and we are watching TV. He’s flipping around the channels and he passes “Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull!”

“Trey! Go back! That was the new Indiana Jones movie which isn’t even out yet! How did you get that channel?!?” I yell excitedly.
“I’m not sure, I was just flipping around.” He replies.

So he keeps flipping but he can’t find it! So he tosses me the remote to see if I can find it. So I start flipping but all I’m getting are Thai TV shows! GRRR! So I give up and we just watch a Thai soap opera.

After a few mins he sighs and says “Well this stinks. You want the dog?”

“Yes!” I proclaim! And he hands me Buttercup.

The Democrats are coming to Bangkok!

The Democrats are coming to Bangkok and I have been chosen to give them the tour! I'm not sure why they are here but it's for some sort of publicity tour. After they arrive we take them down to the river for a boat tour of the Bangkok canals. They each have their own entourages so we split up into two boats. Obama and Hillary are in my boat and in the other boat are the press and John Edwards. Well we ride through the canals and arrive at the famous snake farm. As we pull up to the dock we see a hoard of press who have gathered on the bank. As the tour guide I am told that I need to make a statement. So I dismount and approach the microphones and cameras. I clear my throat and prepare to deliver the joke I have been planning in my head. "Ladies and gentlemen, I had a nice boat ride over here with Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton. We had a chance to talk about the current presidential race and let me tell you, I'm pretty sure Mr. Obama is still 'undecided.'" The media laughs and I finish up. "Thank you all very much, that's all for now." So I begin leading the group into the Snake Farm. And that's when I realize my error! Oh no, I was suppossed to say that John Edwards was undecided, not Obama! Why would Obama be undecided? He's leading the race! The joke was suppossed to be that Edwards is the candidate in distant third place so the main two candidates are vying for his support. But I blew the punchline! Not only that but for the joke to work I would have had to be on Edwards boat! As I play back my press conference in my head I realize how foolish I must have looked!

You can’t keep a good Double O agent down!

Three double O agents are stealthily trying to enter a room. Myself, the black guy from Casino Royal and Jessica Biel. We enter the room under the cover of darkness but suddenly the lights come on and we are surrounded by enemy agents!! We begin flipping, spinning and diving around the room firing at them with our hand guns while they unload their fully automatic machine guns! When the smoke clears all three agents are alive and well and the bodies of the fallen enemy agents blink and disappear (like in old video games.) We have successfully cleared the room. Just then TV’s Steven Weber emerges from behind a box doing the slow clap thing. “Congratulations, you have just emptied your magazines on 30 heavily armed…. Holograms!” Just then the door opens behind us and the real 30 armed agents enter the room wearing full swat gear. We drop our empty side arms in defeat as Weber laughs in a self congratulatory way. The other agents and I slowly make eye contact and blink in agreement. “Now!” we yell as we engage the enemy in hand to hand combat. They didn’t count on the fact that their large numbers and this cramped room renders their weapons useless.

Snake Breeding?!?

I’m over at the Overholt’s house at their 4 new puppies are running around with a Cobra in their midst! “What?!? Why is there a snake in there with the puppies?!?” I ask. “It’s ok!” I’m told. “We are trying to get to them breed with the snake because we want a pet mongoose!”

Snake Bite!

I’m in Bang Sak with Trevor and Kory and we decide to go to Khoa Lak. So we start heading that way but we keep stopping at various places that have accumulated water to swim. Drainage ditches, rivers, ponds, etc.. Just before arriving in Khao Lak we see a row of brand new houses. “Wow, those are new!” we note. About that time we notice a ditch with some water in it that has a layer of moss on the surface. For some reason we all jump in even as we are saying to each other how unsafe it is and how there might be snakes. Just then a snake jumps out and bites me on the neck and face! Instantly I can’t breath very well so I ask the guys to go get some help. Pretty soon a man walks up calmly with his wife and starts putting some sort of medicine on my face and neck. At this point I realize that I can breathe normally again. “Me Pen Ha Mai?” I ask. He responds to tell me, no, I’ll be ok, it won’t be a problem. So I get up and follow him back to his shop to say thank you. A European man is apparently working there and he just hands me three receipts! The first two are for 481.50 baht each and the third one is for 37 baht totaling 1000 baht! So then I look up and realize that his shop is called “Snake Rescue!” So I try to talk to the European but he does not understand English! He keeps trying to explain something using a toy snake. Frustrated I walk past him to the thai man and I ask him “Ani pen allay khrup?” (what is this for?) and he responds “Ani pen yaa, leew ani pen service charge” (this is for the medicine and this is the service charge.) “And the third one?” I ask. He points to a picture on the receipt that shows a man building a fire. “But you didn’t even build a fire!” I argue. So he excuses the 37 baht charge. So I pay and Trevor asks “wanna go to a hospital?” To which I respond “Nah, lets go see a movie!”

Explanation: After writing this out I can identify several different real life situations I have encountered that apparently my brain has morphed into one event. My dealings with the European in this story are similar to a restaurant we visited in Khao Lak over Christmas, The Happy Lagoon. A European man works there for some reason and he is never any help! My dealings with the Thai man and the confusion with the receipts appear to come from a situation that occurred when I put my car in the shop recently. A $15 oil change visit turned into $240 in repairs and then I found out later he never got around to actually changing the oil! And finally, my swim with the snakes probably comes from many treks into the jungle with Trevor and Kory to find abandoned resorts, island lookout points, vines for climbing rocks, etc.. The brain is a funny thing.